Settling for Less

In case you didn’t know, it’s National Women’s History Month–a month-long celebration of all the great achievements we women have made in history. It’s a time to give thanks to all the amazing women who fought for our rights, our voices. We are women, here us roar!

However, lately I’ve noticed that there is one area of life in which we women can’t seem to find equality–our love lives.

Just this morning, I found out that my “first love” is dating someone. I immediately sent off an email to my best friend ranting and raving about how in the world could it be possible that HE (an ex-military narcissist with a talent for lying) seems to continuously snag (yet lose) women while I seem to be stuck in a dateless rut.

I stewwed over the unfairness and unbelievability of the situation for awhile, but then it dawned on me that this happens to A LOT of women. Why?, I wondered. How is it possible that numerous educated, beautiful, funny, nice women can’t find suitable matches yet there are men out there with “Loser” stamped across their foreheads that still manage to get dates and girlfriends?

The fault, I realized, lies partially with us.

As young girls, we’re socialized to want a boyfriend, to seek out a “Prince Charming.” We end up so desperate, so hungry for love, that we settle for less. A lot less.

My “first love” was a college dropout with no drivers license. He was up to his eyeballs in debt, was completely self-centered, and often failed to fulfill his promises. Yet I, the young woman so ecstatic to have finally snagged a boyfriend, overlooked the fact that I had to drive everywhere, had to pay for many dates, and let my world revolve around what he wanted to do. In hindsight, I was not only a complete doormat, but a complete idiot. It wasn’t until after we broke up that I realized that I deserved better. Much better.

It’s that mentality–women’s desperation and willingness to settle–that enables some men to get away with being losers. If we women are willing to lower our standards just so we can snag a boyfriend, then why on Earth would these men try to better themselves? Why would they go the extra mile if they’re getting what they want without it?

Unfortunately, that leaves us–the women who have raised our standards, who have bettered ourselves–without very many equal partners to choose from.

So, our love lives are as unequal now as they were in the past. We often criticize our ancestors for how one-sided their relationships were, how the men held all the power, how women were forced to be submissive. Are we really any better now?

Artists, Leaders, and Adventuresses

Besty Prioleau finishes up her tour through seductress history by zeroing in on seductresses of the creative sort, the leader sort, and the adventurer sort.

Seductive Artists. The Goddess of old was a divine creatrix, unleashing her creative powers unto the Universe. Artists (painters, dancers, actresses, writers, etc.) are naturally plugged into this divine creativity, and thus into the Goddess’s great art of seduction.

Take Violet Gordon Woodhouse (1871-1948) for example. She wasn’t a great beauty, but her musical talents led a number of men to fall in love with her. She had so many lovers, in fact, that she lived with four of them at once in a menage a cinq.

Political Seductresses. Powerful women can be quite the aphrodisiac. Cleopatra is often the symbol of the ultimate seductive leader, but there are many others on the list: Elizabeth I, Catherine the Great, and Eleanor of Aquitaine, to name a few.

More modern political seductresses include Eva Peron (Madonna played her in the film Evita) who changed the face of Argentina after she snagged Vice President Juan Peron. And then there’s the even more modern Gloria Steinem.

Yes, Gloria Steinem. Prioleau includes the feminist ground-breaker in her list of political seductresses. Although some of her feminist colleagues looked down upon a feminist that wasn’t afraid to flaunt her beauty and sex appeal, she managed to snag some big names while making strides for women’s rights. And who says you can’t have it all!?

Seductive Adventurers. History has often looked unkindly at women who dared to leave the safe world of home and hearth. Women that dared to forsake marriage and family in order to follow their whims across continents and oceans were viewed as unfeminine and, sometimes, downright evil.

Beryl Markham (1902-1986) stands out in particular. She was as wild in spirit as her native continent (Africa). During her life, she became an expert horse trainer, led safaris, and became the first pilot to fly east to west across the Atlantic in one trip. Oh yeah, and she managed to rack up a number of prize men: Mansfield Markham, a rich aristocrat; Prince Henry, the duke of Gloucester; Denys Finch Hatton, the Casanova of Kenya; and the list goes on.

In today’s culture, we tend to associate great seductresses with Playboy Bunny types and/or Hollywood screen sirens. But, in reality, seduction knows no bounds. You can paint watercolor landscapes, march on Washington, and/or go on safari across Africa and still be a seductress. It’s all just a matter of claiming your Goddess-given sexuality!

Easier said than done, I know…. Now where’s that how-to manual….?

Cougars and Brainiacs

Why is it that as single women age, we start to go into panic mode? As our friends around us start to walk down the matrimonial aisle, we break into a cold sweat and feel the urge to throw ourselves at whatever available groomsmen comes our way?

It’s odd, really. Even after all these years, after all these strides we’ve made, we still suffer from the fear of not getting married. Of ending up alone. And it’s ludicrous. Age really has nothing to do with being marriageable. Or being desirable, for that matter.

Today we call them “cougars” but, in reality, they’re super-seductresses–older women that manage to attract and seduce well into their AARP years. Betsy Prioleau documents some of these “silver foxes” in Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love.

Take the infamous Mae West, for example. A witty actress, she was making conquests well into her twilight years. On the verge of 70, she snagged a 33-year-old “muscle man”. And then there’s George Sand and Colette–two literary mavens that weren’t at a loss for men, even in old age.

And age isn’t the only myth that Prioleau busts. Ever heard the little rhyme “Boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses”? It’s the old myth that men don’t like smart women. And it’s wrong. Very wrong.

Veronica Franco was a sixteenth century courtesan. Although beautiful, it was her knowledge that made her one of the most famous courtesans in Europe. Living during a time when education was denied to women, Veronica was determined to educate herself. She used her mind to entertain and intrigue her conquests, adding to conversations and debates. Ninon de Lenclos, Lou Andreas-Salome, and Martha Gellhorn were also “scholar-sirens” that fascinated men with their minds.

So why are we so terrified of growing old alone? Or of being so smart that we’ll scare men away? Why do we subscribe to these ridiculous myths? If history has taught us anything it’s that there are no real “rules” when it comes to love and attraction. All women–regardless of beauty, age, and intellect–can be desirable.