“Most men around here are fugly!”
That was my lament yesterday. I was grieving over the fact that I haven’t found very many REALLY attractive men around my town (actually, around my entire region). A lot of that probably has to do with the fact that I’m attracted to tall, dark, & handsome men while my area is known for the short and pastey types.
Anyway, that lament was made in an email to my friend, which then started a conversation on the importance of physical attraction in relationships. My friend says that attractiveness is not important to her at all. She’ll give a fugly guy a chance even though she isn’t at all attracted to him. It’s all about personality with her. She’ll painstakingly peel away the layers of fugly on her hunt for a golden personality.
I have to admit that I admire her for that. She is truly one of those that lives by the saying “don’t judge a book by it’s cover”. However, I have to confess that I, myself, cannot be so noble.
But this wasn’t always the case. I once, too, subscribed to the “peel away the fugly” approach. But one eye-opening experience changed my perspective.
I was at the beach with another friend and met a guy at a local hotspot. He was freakishly tall and HUGE. With facial hair. You couldn’t even describe him as a “teddy bear”–he was much more of a big brown bear or a grisly. But he dressed nice, had a nice personality, and was a good dancer, so I gave him a shot. I decided to look past the fugly and see if there was a really great guy underneath.
But what did I find?
Just another jack*ss trying to get laid. His Mr. Nice Guy attitude was just a cover for the fugly personality he was hiding underneath his fugly exterior. Fugly on the outside, fugly on the inside.
That was an experience that definitely changed the way I thought about potential mates. Prior to that, I would give almost any guy a chance. But I ended up with lots of dates with fugly men with fugly personalities. It was my experience with Mr. Nice Guy that made me realize that I don’t have to give every fugly guy a chance. Just because a guy isn’t attractive doesn’t mean he’s got a stellar personality. Inner and outer beauty are not linked–it’s very possible to have both, or neither.
Since then, I’ve decided that I have to be attracted to the person before I’ll date them. Now, I’m not saying that I require my dates to be Channing Tatum-hot (or even close to it), but I do want to be attracted to them.
Does that sound horrible? Superficial? Just how important is physical attraction in a new relationship?
