I’m Baaaaaaaack!

Apparently, all it takes is a nice compliment and I’ll do pretty much anything…which makes me a little slutty, I guess.

A few weeks ago, a friend mentioned that she missed my blog posts. That’s really all I needed to hear before I started thinking about all the topics I could blog about. So, I’ve decided to give it a go again. Stay tuned for future posts on: the allure of married men (why is it so fun to flirt with them?), why all men are dogs (a man said it, not me!), and an experiment that a friend and I are going to try (will subliminal messaging improve my dating life?).

See you soon!

How To Survive Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day has, at times, been referred to as Singles’ Awareness Day because of its tendency to make single people feel even more single. After all, we single people don’t receive dozens of red roses, boxes of chocolates, fancy dinners or teddy bears holding hearts that read “I Wuv You.” No, for us single people, Valentine’s Day is like having a birthday party that no one came to–it’s just you, surrounded by candy, and crying into a piece of cake.

However, one can only handle but so many Valentine’s Days alone. And so, I’ve developed some Valentine’s Day coping mechanisms:

1. Work late. Spending the evening hours at your humdrum job means you won’t be subjected to all the romance movies on TV or couples at restaurants (unless, of course, you work at restaurant…in which case, I highly suggest coming down with the flu on Valentine’s Day). Seeing love–whether it’s on the screen or in the booth next to you–inevitably leads to the devouring of a pint of Haagen Daz chased by a bottle of cheap wine and finished with an intoxicated attempt to sign up on eHarmony as your mascara runs down your cheeks. So do yourself a favor and work overtime.

2. Go someplace void of happy couples. Like the library. Sure, we have the occasional teenage prostitute servicing the homeless man in the foreign language section, but libraries are mostly populated with anti-social people, smelly people, people mumbling to themselves, and teenagers hogging the computers just so they can update their Facebook statuses every 15 minutes: “omg the liberrian is like totally givin me the evil eye wtf.”

3. Eat. And I don’t mean the emotional kind of eating that leads to the inhalation of entire bags of Lays Sour Cream & Onion  potato chips or rolls of Pillsbury cookie dough. Cook your favorite meal or try a new recipe. Or if you’re feeling really ambitious, try baking one of those fancy cakes you see on the Food Network. And whatever you do, do NOT weigh yourself the following morning. Nothing’s worse than feeling single except feeling fat and single.

4. Watch a movie. But not The Notebook. Watch movies that make you glad you’re single (Fear is a good choice since it has the added bonus of starring Mark Wahlberg). Or movies that make you glad you’re a strong woman, like Iron Jawed Angels. Or something that will have you peeing your pants (Spring Breakdown is a HI.LAR.I.OUS chick flick no matter what the reviewers say).

5. Read. Of course a librarian is going to suggest reading. But nothing Nicholas Sparks. Or any other unrealistic and sappy love story. Pick up a thriller or mystery. Or steamy erotica. Maybe try a nonfiction book on a topic you’ve always wondered about. Here’s a novel idea–why not visit the library and ASK A LIBRARIAN for a recommendation?! And no, I don’t mean go to Barnes & Noble and asking a salesperson. We librarians are actually trained to give book recommendations. A few of my personal love-related recommendations are: Pornology by Ayn Carillo-Galley, The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, and 51/50: The Magical Adventures of a Single Life by Kristen McGuiness (which I’m reading and loving right now).

6. Pamper yourself. Take a nice bath. Treat yourself to a deep conditioning treatment. Give yourself a mani/pedi. Or, if your “spa days” are more like mine, wax the weird mustache that you never notice until AFTER you’ve left the house; pluck those few dark chin hairs that seem to sprout overnight; take a cheese grater to the calluses on your feet; dye your premature gray hairs; apply Rogaine to your thinning scalp; and then fill up the bath just so can obsess about how much water is displaced when your fat ass gets in the tub.

7. Throw a party. For single people only. Maybe a single ladies party. But do NOT spend the entire time lamenting the single life. Embrace it. Talk about all the reasons it’s great to be single, like: getting the bed all to yourself; having the ability to walk around naked without someone assuming it means sexy time; not having to fight for your right to watch The Bachelor; no nagging worry that you married the wrong one; no worrying about whether or not your partner is really working late;  no awkward “where is this going?” conversations; not having to shave your legs (and other areas) constantly; no in-laws; not having to clean up after someone else; and just the general ability to do whatever you want, whenever you want, without worrying about what your partner is doing. Singledom is freedom, baby.

8. Tap your inner fortune-teller. Unhappy about spending Valentine’s Day alone? Consult the stars. Whip out the tarot cards. Check your horoscope. Maybe love is right around the corner. And if not, then maybe you’ll discover some winning lottery numbers and can then buy a boyfriend. From Brazil. Who doesn’t speak English.

9. Go artsy/craftsy. One of my favorite (and odd) hobbies is cutting up magazines. I’ll cut out words, phrases, and images that appeal to me and then create collages and other mixed media artworks. Hours fly by when I’m doing this. I get in the “creative zone.” So why not try it or something else artsy? Scrapbooking is popular, as is knitting (although I still see it as the pastime of crazy, old cat ladies). If you’re not the creative type, do a paint-by-numbers or steal a coloring book from an unsuspecting kid. 

10. Sleep. If you’ve eaten your weight in cookies, consulted your horoscope, watched Chicago ten times, knitted a hat for your cat, read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and you’re still not happy about flying solo on Valentines day, then take a sleeping pill and call it a night. By the time you wake up, the horrible holiday will be over and all Valentine’s Day candy will be 50% off. Can we say “chocoholic jackpot”?!

Hey Baby, What’s Your Sign?

Men have tried a number of pickup lines on me, but no one has ever used that particular one. But, I admit, I would like them to. And I wouldn’t mind using it on some men, as well. Instead, I have to come up with creative ways to scope out their birthdays (such as looking up their library card numbers….just one of the perks of being a librarian).

Yes, yes, I’m an astrology nerd. Ok, sort of. A couple of astrology books dot my bookshelves, but I don’t religiously read my horoscope. I do, however, know the zodiac signs of all the important people in my life–family, friends, enemies, coworkers, ex-boyfriends and potential future boyfriends.

So, since I don’t have much to report on the dating front, I figured I’d venture into some “dating by the signs”….

Aries (3/21 – 4/20) Those born under the sign of Aries are full of energy. They’re adventurous and always up for trying new things. I know one Aries guy and he’s always full of stories–making friends with drag queens in Key West, teaching dogs to skateboard, scaling barbed wire fences to save a football, and attending pub crawls that led to parties of a risqué sort. He never ceases to amaze me with his stories. And when it comes to dating, Aries are extremely magnetic, effortlessly alluring the opposite sex to them. But this sense of adventure means that their “little black book” is always full–they move from one heated relationship to the next, leaving a long list of exes in their wake.

Taurus (4/21 – 5/21)  Apparently, those born under the sign of Taurus are always looking for security–financial, emotional–and so they’re practical and realistic. They hoard their money and their emotions. When it comes to romance, they’re supposed to be very loyal… but I beg to differ on that part considering that I once found a Taurus boyfriend in bed with my college roommate. But that’s ok… as cute as my Taurus boy was, those born under this sign enjoy routine so much that they can become rather…well… boring.

Gemini (5/22 – 6/21) Geminis are charming, funny, flirty–and will say pretty much anything to get what they want. My “first love” was a Gemini and it took a number of months before I realized that I couldn’t trust half of what he said. But true to his sign, he was always fun to be around (probably because Gemini is puer aeternus, the Eternal Child)…that is, until I realized he felt his sex life should resemble all the x-rated films he had downloaded on his laptop.

Cancer (6/22 – 7/22) I haven’t had the pleasure of dating a Cancer man yet, but I’m not sure I want to. Cancers are moody homebodies, can be extremely insecure, and are overprotective of their loved ones. I don’t know about you, but that sounds too much like the obsessive boyfriend characters of so many Lifetime movies for my tastes. 

Leo (7/23 – 8/23) The symbol for Leo is the Lion, so those born under this sign are confident, charismatic, and powerful. My “first boyfriend” was a Leo. Of course, we were only 10 at the time and hardly said 10 words to each other during our entire “relationship” (aka, the third grade). So I really don’t personally know how a Leo behaves when in love. However, according to the books, they’re passionate and feel deeply… but in return want to be admired and adored like Kings of the Jungle.

Virgo (8/24 – 9/22) Oh, Virgos. As a Pisces, I’m supposed to get along really well with Virgos–and I can definitely say that that’s true. My best friend is a Virgo, my brother is a Virgo, and my best “work friend” is a Virgo. Those born under the sign of Virgo are dependable, analytical, and easy-going. But they can also be very critical and can be constant worriers. When it comes to dating, Virgos latch on and hold on, often over-analyzing every minor detail of relationships past and present.

Libra (9/23 – 10/23) I haven’t had the pleasure of dating a Libra, but I have a close friend who was born under the sign of the Scales. True to her sign, my Libra friend is diplomatic, sociable, and charming. She is, however, a perfectionist–always planning and planning, making sure everything turns out just how she wants it to. When it comes to romance, Libras are never at a loss for admirers. And I’m sure my Libra friend would agree that, in the bedroom, they’re quite passionate.

Scorpio (10/24 – 11/22) I like to think of Scorpios as the bad boys (and girls) of the zodiac. One of my oldest friends is a Scorpio, but I haven’t had the opportunity to date a Scorpio myself (though I think I’d like to). In general, Scorpios are loyal, imaginative, and deep. Unfortunately, they can also be jealous, secretive, and controlling. When it comes to dating, Scorpios are quite intense, passionate, and erotic. One astrology book warned that many Pisces end up as victims of the Scorpion–we Pisces are easily won over by their intense, erotic imaginations. Hmmm… sounds good to me. Where do I sign up?

Sagittarius (11/23 – 12/21) Sagittarians remind me of successful businessmen–they’re confident, optimistic, adventurous. When they set their sights on something, they go for it with passion. When it comes to romance, unfortunately, they’re always looking for the next adventure. They can’t stand routine or boredom, so they need constant stimulation… Hmm, sounds like fidelity isn’t their thing. I think I’ll pass on dating this sign.

Capricorn (12/22 – 1/20) Those born under the sign of Capricorn are patient, dutiful, conventional, and reliable. I had an on-and-off again relationship with a Capricorn back in college. On the physical level, there was some serious chemistry between us. But on every other level… well, it just couldn’t work. Capricorns are very traditional, sometimes pessimistic, and can lack the passion we Pisces see as the breath of life.

Aquarius (1/21 – 2/18) While I have never dated an Aquarian, several important people in my life were born under this sign, including my dad. True to his sign, he is sociable, innovative, independent, altruistic, and rational; he can also sometimes be dogmatic, controlling, and cranky. In relationships, Aquarians are very romantic and loyal–my dad and my mom were married for 32 years. Mom would sometimes joke about how Dad would light candles, turn on romantic music, and do other sappy things to “set the mood.” Theirs is definitely the type of relationship I hope to find one day… but with a little less sappy-ness.

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20) And finally, Pisces–the last sign of the zodiac, as well as my own. The majority of what I’ve read about Pisces describes me pretty well: sensitive, compassionate, imaginative, impressionable, passive, receptive, empathetic, spiritual, emotional, creative, and romantic. On the negative side, we can also be confused, insecure, escapists prone to addictions (food and shopping being my addictions of choice). In relationships, the books say we’re hopeless romantics, always looking for the fantasy partner that we’ve created in our heads (guilty as charged).  And, supposedly, that rich fantasy life also creeps into the bedroom…. but I’m not going to comment on that one.

A Trick of the Mind?

Hey everyone! Sorry I’ve been MIA for the past week. Work has actually been pretty busy (yes, librarians do more than shelve books and shush peopole!).

However, I just started reading Decoding Love: Why It Takes Twelve Frogs to Find a Prince, and Other Revelations from the Science of Attraction by Andrew Trees–a book that really makes you wonder if “true love” really exists.

For example:

Did you know that fear makes someone find you more attractive? So if you want to get lucky, why not head to Spain for the running of the bulls?

Thinking about going to a fancy restaurant for a first date? You’ll leave with the illusion that the date went better than it actually did. Certain environments like fancy restaurants “prime” you for a good time.

Is love really just “in our heads”?

I Don’t Do Fugly

“Most men around here are fugly!”

That was my lament yesterday. I was grieving over the fact that I haven’t found very many REALLY attractive men around my town (actually, around my entire region). A lot of that probably has to do with the fact that I’m attracted to tall, dark, & handsome men while my area is known for the short and pastey types.

Anyway, that lament was made in an email to my friend, which then started a conversation on the importance of physical attraction in relationships. My friend says that attractiveness is not important to her at all. She’ll give a fugly guy a chance even though she isn’t at all attracted to him. It’s all about personality with her. She’ll painstakingly peel away the layers of fugly on her hunt for a golden personality.

I have to admit that I admire her for that. She is truly one of those that lives by the saying “don’t judge a book by it’s cover”. However, I have to confess that I, myself, cannot be so noble.

But this wasn’t always the case. I once, too, subscribed to the “peel away the fugly” approach. But one eye-opening experience changed my perspective.

I was at the beach with another friend and met a guy at a local hotspot. He was freakishly tall and HUGE. With facial hair. You couldn’t even describe him as a “teddy bear”–he was much more of a big brown bear or a grisly. But he dressed nice, had a nice personality, and was a good dancer, so I gave him a shot. I decided to look past the fugly and see if there was a really great guy underneath.

But what did I find?

Just another jack*ss trying to get laid. His Mr. Nice Guy attitude was just a cover for the fugly personality he was hiding underneath his fugly exterior. Fugly on the outside, fugly on the inside.

That was an experience that definitely changed the way I thought about potential mates. Prior to that, I would give almost any guy a chance. But I ended up with lots of dates with fugly men with fugly personalities. It was my experience with Mr. Nice Guy that made me realize that I don’t have to give every fugly guy a chance. Just because a guy isn’t attractive doesn’t mean he’s got a stellar personality. Inner and outer beauty are not linked–it’s very possible to have both, or neither.  

Since then, I’ve decided that I have to be attracted to the person before I’ll date them. Now, I’m not saying that I require my dates to be Channing Tatum-hot (or even close to it), but I do want to be attracted to them.

Does that sound horrible? Superficial? Just how important is physical attraction in a new relationship?